


Elon Arrives Bearing Gifts

by partywithoutplot



Category: Bill Gates - Fandom, Elon musk - Fandom, Supernatural, obama - Fandom
Genre: Apartment, Crack, Crack Crossover, Fancy Restaurant, Gift Giving, Heimlich - Freeform, M/M, Red Lingerie, Van - Freeform, chase scene, cheese tart wake up call, leopard print dildo, neon green morph suit, pocket knife, swallowing people whole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:54:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29862546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partywithoutplot/pseuds/partywithoutplot
Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if there was an interaction between Dean, Cas, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Obama? Well now you don't have to wonder.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Elon Arrives Bearing Gifts

**Author's Note:**

> I've never seen supernatural, but I wrote this anyways. Enjoy.

Elon Musk knocks on the door of Dean’s new york city apartment, bag in hand. The door opens a moment later, but it is not Dean who emerges. 

Castiel grabs Elon’s hand, shaking it vigorously. 

“Nice to meet you, sir. You greatly resemble a rat.” 

“I don’t have time for niceties,” Elon grumbled. “I’m here to deliver a gift to Dean. Where is he?”

“Oh, you must be Dean’s boyfriend! Nice to meet you! I’m his husband.” 

“Cut the crap, hubby boy, show me where he is.”

“Jeez Mr. Musk, fine. Come on in.” 

The two of them stepped into the living room, and sat on the couch. 

Elon scanned the apartment, taking in the few small connected rooms and the three doors that he assumed led to a bathroom and two bedrooms. 

“Dean didn’t tell me you guys were poor.” 

“We’re not poor!” Cas exclaimed incorrectly. 

“Prove it, then,” Elon challenged. 

“I will. Follow me!” Cas ordered, jumping up off the couch and heading to the kitchen. Elon followed. 

Elon watched, mesmerized as Cas prepared him a snack. He took out a paper plate, then began opening a package of frosted strawberry pop tarts. He layered a piece of cheddar cheese on each of the tarts, then popped the plate in the microwave. Once the thirty seconds were up and the cheese was melted, he finished off the dish with a sprinkle of black pepper. 

“Could a poor person make this?” Cas asked, holding the plate outwards triumphantly. 

“I think I’m the real poor person in this situation if you’re gonna make me eat that.” Elon replied. 

“It’s not for eating!” Cas reassured him. “It’s for waking Dean up from his nap.”

With that, Cas ran into Dean’s bedroom and launched the plate of cheese tarts at his face.   
“I’m up, I’m up! What do you want?” Dean screamed, frantically scraping cheese off his face.

“Elon’s here!” Cas exclaimed. 

“Elon’s here?” Dean questioned, still half asleep. “Why would Elon be here?” 

“He says he has a gift for you! Now get out of bed, sleepy man.” 

“Alright, I will. Give me a second to get dressed.” He stood up out of his bed, revealing his completely naked body.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Cas said, staring directly at him and not leaving. They held eye contact the entire time it took Dean to get dressed. 

Once Dean was ready, the two men re-entered the main part of the apartment, where they found Elon sitting on a kitchen chair and clutching the bag he had brought tightly. 

“Is that for me?” Dean asked, ripping it from Elon’s fingers. “Hehehehe I love gifts.”

“Aww my little gremlin boy,” Elon cooed, blushing. 

“You two are gross. Open the bag already,” Cas complained loudly. Elon and Dean both shot him a dirty look. 

“Ok, ok. I’m opening it.” Dean removed the tissue paper from the bag, then reached inside of it. His hands emerged with a pair of red lace lingerie. “Wow, uh, Elon, I don’t even know what to say-”

Elon cut him off. “There’s one more thing in the bag. Go ahead, take it out.” 

Dean set the lingerie on the kitchen counter, then reached his hand back into the bag. This time he pulled out something long and made of rubber.

“Babe!” Dean gasped. “You got me exactly what I always wanted! My wildest fantasy!” 

“Your wildest fantasy is a leopard print dildo?!?!?!” Cas asked, incredulous. “That’s it, I’m leaving you two alone. I’m going to Hannaford. Be back in two hours.” He grabbed his man purse and ran out the door. 

All of a sudden, a fist flew through the wall. Bill Gates emerged from the punch hole, wearing a neon green morph suit. He sauntered towards Dean and Elon, then without a bit of warning, snatched the leopard print dildo from Dean’s hand. 

“Hey! That’s mine!” Dean screamed, pulling a knife out of his jean pocket. “Give it back or else!” 

“Or else what?” Bill taunted, rubbing one neon green finger up and down the dildo. 

“Or else I’ll cut off your dick!” Dean yelled, charging at Bill, knife in hand. 

“NO! PLEASE! NOT MY WEINER!” Bill shrieked like a little girl. They began a chase around the apartment, jumping over couches and chairs. Elon decided this was a good time to check the stock market on his phone. 

Finally Bill stopped, throwing his hands in the air. “Fine. I’ll give you back the dildo. Just please don’t cut off my beloved penis.” He pleaded. Dean put the knife back in his pocket, and Bill handed over the dildo. 

“Hey Bill?” Elon asked, looking up from his phone. “Wanna go grab dinner with us?” 

“I’d love to, my boy! Sounds wonderful!” Bill and Elon embraced tightly. 

Elon, Bill, and Dean all went into separate rooms to change into the black suits that Elon had had delivered to them by drone. They emerged one by one, looking spiffy. The three well dressed men piled into Elon’s Tesla, and they were off to have dinner.

They arrived at the restaurant, and Elon threw his keys and two dollars at the valet. “Keep the change!” He called to him, winking. The valet was too star-struck to notice how low and disappointing his tip was. 

They entered the restaurant and were seated at a fancily-set table near the back. 

“What would you like today, boys?” A curvy waitress with a southern accent and blonde pigtails asked sweetly. 

“I’ll have the lobster and potatoes au gratin. Dean will have the medium rare steak and cranberry salad. Bill will have the french onion soup and roasted broccoli.” Elon ordered for all three of them . 

“Sounds good. It’ll be out in two shakes of a lamb's tail!” The waitress smiled brightly at them, then headed back to the kitchen. 

“Wow Elon, thank you for ordering for me. You know how nervous I get when I have to talk to people,” Bill blushed, grabbing Elon’s hand. 

“Yes, thank you, Elon.” Dean added, grabbing his other hand. 

“Anything for my boys.” 

Their food came about thirty minutes later, and they all began to eat. Everything was going fine until Dean choked on a piece of his steak. 

“I’ll save you!” Elon exclaimed, rushing to give him the heimlich. He wrapped his arms around Dean from behind, then squeezed until the piece of steak dislodged in his throat and landed on the top of Bill’s head. 

“Oh come on!” Bill grumbled, grabbing the piece with his cloth napkin. 

“You saved my life!” Dean cried, wrapping his arms around Elon. The entire restaurant applauded. Including one very special person who was sitting a few tables down. 

“Would you like a medal of honor?” The voice boomed. 

“Obama? Is that really you?” Dean asked, not believing his eyes. 

And it was indeed Obama. Dean, Elon, and Bill were too busy looking at each other to notice Barack Obama walking into the restaurant behind them. He was the real reason the valet was so starstruck. Not Elon. 

“It is me! And for that true act of bravery, your friend here deserves the presidential medal of honor.”

“Wow Obama! Thank you!” Elon beamed. 

“Just come get in my van and I’ll give you the medal.” 

“Sounds legit!” Elon replied. He, along with Bill and Dean, followed Obama out to his van. 

Obama placed a shiny gold metal around Elon’s neck. 

“Hey Obama, why did you close the doors?” Dean asked nervously. 

“To trap you in here, of course!” Obama replied. He opened his mouth to the size of a human head, and swallowed Dean whole. 

“Hey you can’t d-” Obama interrupted Elon’s protesting by swallowing him whole. 

“Hey man, what do you thi-” Obama interrupted Bill by swallowing him whole. 

Obama chuckled. “Nice.”


End file.
